Married to a Narcissist and You Want Out?

Narcissist: “A person who has an excessive interest or admiration of themselves.”

We hear this word thrown around a lot on television and in random conversations describing a person, but when you are in a relationship with someone that is truly a narcissist it is a hard reality to live in, particularly if you have decided to end a marriage with one. This can be a dangerous situation for you, your children and possibly any family members and friends trying to help you.

Do you think you could be in a relationship with someone that has narcissistic personality disorder, but you are not sure? Here are a few signs to watch for:

• Grandiose sense of self-importance in many ways such as always turning a conversation to be about him or her, being “all-knowing”;
• Lives in a fantasy world that supports their delusions of grandeur;
• Needs constant praise and admiration;
• Sense of entitlement;
• Exploits others without guilt or shame;
• Frequently demeans, intimidates, bullies or belittles others;
• Manipulation, such as using others as an extension of self by making decisions for others to suit his or her own needs.

Of course, we are not psychologists and cannot officially diagnose someone with a narcissist personality disorder. However, we have been in the business long enough to see many different personalities and the consequences that can often result from a toxic person such as a narcissist.

Do you feel that you are in a relationship with a narcissist? How and why is this a different divorce situation than others?

1. It can be dangerous. Narcissists often live in a fantasy world and if anyone disrupts that world, he or she will suffer the consequences. The narcissist will often make physical threats to a spouse and/or mentally abuse you. Many narcissists have serious anger management issues.
2. He or she may take out issues on not only you, but also your children putting them in danger.
3. In cases, where the narcissist is wealthy and powerful, he or she can be intent on driving up your legal fees causing you financial distress.

Kevin Hickey Law Partners has years of experience in dealing with people of all different types of personalities including narcissism. We use our experience in a simple and systematic way by using your narcissist husband or wife’s conduct against him or her. Here are a few scenarios we have dealt with in the past:

• Bullying and intimidation by financial abuse. He or she will not provide responses to discovery. Discovery is the formal request for information and documents regarding the marital estate. (See our Vocabulary blog for more terms and definitions that you may hear during the divorce process.) If this occurs in your divorce process, you will be forced to file a request with the court to compel the information you need and therefore incur attorney fees that could be avoided.
• He or she may fail to pay support or delay payment to exert control over you.
• He or she may hide or lie about income and assets.

There are many other scare tactics that a narcissist spouse can use, but the key is using them against him or her. For instance, if your soon-to-be-ex fails to pay support that is lawfully due, he or she is in contempt of a court order.

Do you feel trapped in a marriage for fear of backlash from your spouse? Call Kevin Hickey Law Partners today, so we can help you with the next necessary steps. We will coach you and advise you to how best handle your unique situation. One thing is for certain, in many cases like this, your spouse knows exactly which “buttons” to push to upset you. Do not fall into the trap of meeting unreasonable and aggressive behavior with your own unreasonable and aggressive behavior. The “fight fire with fire” approach is one of the worst things you can do in any divorce case. Do not lower yourself to his or her standards. This does not paint you in a very good image to the judge causing you to lose credibility and can possibly cause litigation to go longer than it should. Our firm wants to make this process as smooth as possible for you. Allow our experience and expertise to work for you.